THE FIRST NIGHT

THE INTENTION OF THIS POST IS TO SHARE INFORMATION FOR THE BENEFIT OF ALL  PEOPLE.PLEASE SHARE IT WITH YOUR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS.MAYBE IT WILL HELP SOMEBODY.ITS SADAQA JAARIYAH TO SPREAD KNOWLEDGE WHICH HELPS OTHERS.. Openness about sexual matters has been lost over time, and discussions about sex have become taboo. At the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the Sahabah were not too shy to ask about all affairs, including sexual matters, so as to know the teachings of Islam in these matters. Identify a trusted adult you can talk to about these things. This person could be your mother, married sister,mausi(Aunt), a doctor, a nurse, school counselor, for help or advice . http://www.zawaj.com/straight_talk.html http://www.correctislamicfaith.com/sexualpracticeinislam.htm Most important, do not be surprised if sex is not what you have seen in film, TV, video, They are really hilarious and unrealistic, not as in real life. In films, people just barely touch and suddenly have fantastic orgasms. Real life is a lot more different. THE FIRST NIGHT It is reported that Rasulollah (S) said to Imam Ali (AS) “After the bride enters your room and sits down, take off her shoes and wash her feet and pour the water (from this washing) to the furthest point of your house.  For if you do that, Allah will drive away seventy kinds of poverty from your house, and He will enter into your house seventy types of riches, and seventy kinds of blessings, and He will descend seventy kinds *of mercy upon you, which will hover over your bride's head until every corner of your house is filled with blessings. And in doing so the bride shall be immune from mental illness and leprosy as long as she is in that house.” It is reported in the hadith of the Ahl-ul-Bayt that it is Mustahab and desirable for the newly wed couple to pray two Rak'ah of prayer And after performing two rakaats prayer, hold your wife's hair in the forehead and say, “O Allah! Bless my wife for me, bless me for my wife, give her bounty out of me, and give me bounty out of her!" Then you can do what you want."[Reported by Abu Dawud] The intercourse may not necessarily be performed at the first night. We actually ended up not having sex until perhaps a week into our marriage because we spent the first week of our marriage just getting to know what pleased the other person. Its better to postpone pregnancy by about six months to one year after getting married to take up responsibility of pregnancy. Enjoy your married life before the kids arrive, Travel to places together, enjoy quality time together. Prophet Muhammad(Peace be upon him) way of life  Read the full article http://www.mydeenislam.com/how-to-make-love-to-your-wife-in-islam.html Read more articles:  http://www.questionsonislam.com/node/11999 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/mandatory-sex-wedding-night/

THE FIRST NIGHT

Source of the article:; https://loveinshallah.com/2013/02/21/advice-clueless-about-my-wedding-night/

“When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman has needs.” — Ali ibn Abi Talib (as)

This is your first time, dear one; don’t expect to blow her mind because there is a 99% chance that you won’t. That’s okay.  Whether you’re her first partner or her 100th, this is her first time with you. Enjoy getting to know one another. Explore one another’s bodies and minds together until you find all the many ways your unique body pleases hers and vice versa.

Sex is sensual. Use your senses.

Listen:  Ask a lot of questions.  Don’t worry if your voice quivers, nervousness can be endearing. She’s probably a little nervous too.  Can I touch you here? Can I kiss you there? Will you touch me here? Does that feel good? Was that okay? No matter how excited you are, you will both enjoy the experience more if you frequently check in with one another.  Ask, ask, ask until she asks you to stop asking.

Watch:  Passion can render us speechless, but the body has its own language. Watch her body. Does she move toward you when you do something? Do more. Does she tense and move away, even slightly, when you do something else? Don’t do that.  A mind-blowing lover is an observant lover, paying careful attention to how his or her partner responds to his or her body.

Touch: Be gentle. Apply pressure, friction, and other kinds of touch in degrees. If your wife is also sexually inexperienced, things that she may later find pleasurable might be painful in the beginning. In order for a woman to enjoy sex, she needs to be aroused. The process of being aroused enough to enjoy manipulation of the clitoris or entrance into the vagina involves both physical and psychological components.  Plenty of flirting before the wedding night, and playful touch during, are important.

Taste:  Bring sweets to the nuptial suite. Feed your bride from your hands. Eat from hers, if she’ll allow. Feeding another person is one of the most basic and intimate acts of human kindness. It’s a less threatening way to get used to touching one another.

Scent:  Good hygiene is hot. While you’re likely to be expertly groomed for the big day, by the time the festivities are over you may require some freshening before the big night.  Make sure you’re clean, fresh-breathed and smelling good. Scent can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Ask her if she has a favorite scent. Maybe have her go to the mall and make a short list of men’s fragrances she likes. Then find one that you also like, and wear a little of it on your wedding night.

Good Sense:  Don’t expect your wedding night to be the night you first have intercourse.  The process of becoming aroused enough for enjoyable intercourse may take a while. Your first night together might include a lot of foreplay, maybe even orgasms for each of you, but that won’t necessarily mean your wife is ready for intercourse.  If your wife is very nervous or afraid–regardless of her previous experience– you may find intercourse difficult or impossible. Do not force the issue.  If she is not lubricated (wet) enough, intercourse can be anything from painful to damaging to impossible.  Enter only when she’s expressed clear, verbal permission that she is ready. Even then, be slow, controlled and gentle.

There is a lot of information about sex out there, although unfortunately, a lot of it assumes that you have experience. While its target audience is teenagers, Scarleteen is an excellent resource for information on all things sex. I highly recommend you begin with this sex and pleasure 101 post and work your way around the site according to your interests and curiosity.

With love and prayers for a blessed marriage.

Shy Desi Boy replies:

Many congrats to you “Clueless about my wedding night” – I wish you and your wife all the happiness and blessings.

I fully understand and empathize with your nervousness and I salute you for admitting this. That is such an important, critical step. Most guys cover up their nervousness with machismo and as a result fail to be as compassionate as they should be to their spouse. So the fact that you are asking if there is anything you should/should not do means that you already are being mindful of your partner’s feelings.

Weddings are often stressful, exhausting affairs. Your wedding might be the last of a multi-night celebration. This may not be taxing physically or emotionally on you but for the bride, it can be grueling. A wedding may also be a moment of sadness—yes you are embarking on a beautiful, sacred journey but if this is the first time your spouse has ever lived away from her parents she might be feeling a mixture of conflicting emotions.

When I got married (I am divorced now), we were both too tired to have sex on wedding night. So we spent the evening praying for people who asked us to pray for them, especially those who were not married but very much wanted to find a partner. We actually ended up not having sex until perhaps a week into our marriage because we spent the first week of our marriage just getting to know what pleased the other person.

But if you both have the energy, here are my thoughts:

First, be prepared. Your spouse may already be on birth control, but please do bring condoms just in case. Consider trying on the condoms in advance so that on the wedding night you have a sense of how to open a condom packet, how to put it on, and what size of condom you require.  Even if you know she is on birth control, she might feel more comfortable the first time if you use a condom too. Also buy a bottle of lubricant—I prefer any lubricant that is water-based, like KY jelly. If you do have sex, consider applying this on yourself and your partner’s genitals, especially if either of you are dry. Again, this might not be the right thing for you but it is always good to have extra supplies nearby to be comfortable. Use condom the first time you have sex. Its better to postpone pregnancy by about six months to one year after getting married to take up responsibility of pregnancy.

Second, go very, very slow. I recommend you begin by massaging your wife. A massage is a great way to learn where your wife likes to be touched—and where you like to be touched too. Youtube is a great place to learn massage techniques and because Youtube blocks explicit images, most of the content is quite halal to view.
Third, communicate. When something feels good, say it. Give positive feedback. If something hurts, tell her but say it very gently. This is about exploring and any exploration often involves, uh, wrong turns.

Fourth, if your massage does lead to intercourse (as many good massages do between couples), then do not be shy about experimenting with different positions. She might be more comfortable with her on top or perhaps both of you laying side to side or the famous missionary position..

Fifth, think about your own pleasures. This is the one thing that has taken me a long time to realize. When I used to have sex, I kept worrying and thinking about what would make my partner happy and I never thought to ask myself what pleases me. But I am getting better and my sex life is much richer and mutually satisfactory because I now have the confidence to express what pleases me.

Sixth, and perhaps most important, do not be surprised if sex is not what you expected. That is ok. It will get better, inshAllah.

The goal your first time being intimate is to make your wife feel comfortable, to make yourself comfortable, and to build a foundation of trust that will continue to grow. Wishing you my best.

QUESTION: Soon I am going to have sex for the first time and I have heard that it hurts for women, which scares me. What can you suggest for it to not hurt me?

 The first time: What we see in video/porn is really hilarious and unrealistic

• No one's first time is absolutely perfect, so leave your expectations at the door. What we see on TV or in movies often makes it seem like sex is softly-lit and super romantic, or in porn, people just barely touch and suddenly have fantastic orgasms. Real life can be a lot more awkward, and sexual behaviours can take more (or sometimes less) time, but it is also a lot better because it's real. It's OK, great even, if your first time doesn't look like a rom-com.
• While many women (and their partners) worry about discomfort or pain the first time they have vaginal intercourse, not all couples have this experience. If you do experience discomfort, communicate with your partner and make sure you are fully aroused, have enough lubrication(Use KY jelly) — both her own or some extra. When the hymen – which is a thin area of tissue that is filled with tiny blood vessels – tears, a woman may or may not notice vaginal bleeding , and she may or may not feel discomfort or pain. Some girls won't bleed at all.Breaking your hymen shouldn't be overwhelmingly painful. Actually, if you do experience pain during your first time, it's probably from friction if you are not sufficiently lubricated.Use KY jelly.

• If you feel like tonight is not yet "the night", don't be ashamed to postpone it. A caring partner will value how you feel above anything else and will not try to rush you into something you are not ready for. If you change your mind, it is okay to say so!

• If you still feel either discomfort or pain, try taking a break from intercourse; you can always try again later. take a break from penetrative vaginal sex for say three days, just to give anything a chance to heal. Perhaps there is some inflammation from your hymen tearing. Take ibuprofin to reduce inflammation and pain/soreness. If you experience extreme pain, you need to talk to a trusted adult or see a doctor.

• Water-based lube(KY jelly), condoms (if you aren't using birth control and don't want to get pregnant at this time), To help ease penetration, add a dab of water-based lube on the opening of the vagina and to the inside of the condom (if he is wearing one) before it is unrolled, and also to the outside of the penis or the condom. Reapply as often as necessary to ease any pain,discomfort and increase pleasure. Coconut oil is a great lubricant that many people have around the house. It's healthy and very safe too!

• Talk to your partner about engaging in  stimulating the clitoris manually during foreplay and before penetration.when you begin intercourse don’t penetrate your partner and immediately begin thrusting like mad. Pause a second to take in the feeling of connection
• There is no need to worry about penetrating the urethra by accident, because that simply isn't possible: it's much, much too tiny.  

Lastly, remember that it's not uncommon for the first time to be less extraordinary than expected. a man's erection might not last long or it might come and go,he may also ejaculate outside before entering, Being patient and taking your time, talking clearly, and learning/practicing are the best ways to allow the two of you to enjoy this newfound intimacy together.
Identify a trusted adult you can talk to. It may seem awkward to discuss your decision with an adult, and you may ultimately decide you don't feel comfortable doing so, but it's important to at least identify an adult you know you could talk to for help or advice. This person could be a parent, but it could also be a doctor, nurse, aunt, school counselor, or an older sibling. He or she can give you advice, make sure you have access to protection, and help you know what to expect. Even if you don't end up talking to this person, it will be comforting to know that there's someone you can talk to about sex, sexuality, and sexual health.
Source: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/first-intercourse-minimizing-pain-and-maximizing-pleasure

Also read http://www.wikihow.com/Lose-Your-Virginity-Without-Pain-(Girls)

PROPER SEX METHODS FOR NEWLY WEDS TO GET PREGNANT FAST. 

The missionary position. Or man-on-top is said to be the position that's best for getting pregnant. This is because this particular position allows for the deepest possible penetration, making it possible for the sperm to get deposited closest to the cervix.

Raise the hips. Elevating the hips, which can be done by placing a pillow below her hips, can also be helpful because this exposes the female cervix to as much semen as the male can release. 

Orgasms. Finally, while this has nothing to do with sexual positions, there are also researches that suggest the importance of the female orgasm in conceiving. According to studies, female orgasm leads to contractions that could push sperm up into the cervix. The lesson: have fun while trying to conceive. Read and learn how to give her orgasm.